It’s July 4th weekend and the library is closed so I’m at Brookfield Place right now trying to get work done. This place is really nice and I’m glad I could find a spot with an outlet in the food court. I’m on my last course for my data analytics certificate. I have to find case study to work on and as I research how to do things, I begin to realize how extensive and complicated everything is. I thought I was doing well and had a good understanding on the topics I learned but no, I don’t know shit and I’m starting to doubt myself again. Even though I’m stupid, I’m just going to keep trying because the alternative is giving up and being a piece of shit forever. I’d rather be a stupid tryer than a useless piece of shit. I learned that a good way to overcome imposter syndrome is to keep going. As long as you’re doing something and taking steps towards accomplishing your goal, you’ll be ok. Because the worst thing you can do when you have imposter syndrome is overthink and not make any moves.
I’m also trying to focus on the positive aspects in my life. Compared to what I was a year ago, I think I’ve come a long way. I’m about to finish my data analytics certificate and I know how to code (sort of). I learned SQL, Python, and this week I just learned R. 3 programming languages, not bad right? I’m sleeping a lot better and eating a lot less take out. I’ve been making overnight oats and leftover bento boxes for lunch at work. I also started a skincare routine which I’ve been consistent with every night. I’ve also been trying to be nicer to my mom and do things for her while I can because in the future, I don’t want to be like “I wish I was more this, or I wish I did that for my mom.” I think I’m doing a good job. I still get pretty sad sometimes because I hate being alone. I feel sad for myself because I genuinely try to help everyone I can and to always do the right thing, but somehow I messed up and I’m all alone. I’m doing my best to ignore it and focus on what I’m suppose to do. I’m trying to prioritize growth over company; becoming a better person can be lonely sometimes because hopefully it will all be worth it in the end.