I have reached a milestone in my life that I believe I should document. It’s not a happy one as you can tell by the title, but i believe it’s one i should write down.
Recently, i have encountered something that i thought would never happen, not even in a million years. It occurred so suddenly that i thought it was a dream for a week. What began as simple bickering turned into the hardest travesty I will have to endure for god knows how long. You can probably guess already, but Suzie and I are on a break right now and I don’t see us getting back together. We were so perfect together, at least in my eyes. I have never met another human being i was so compatible with and so in sync. I made up my mind last year that it was the end, i was going to marry this woman and spend the rest of my life making her the happiest person in the world. Of course we fought a lot and i was stupid many of those times but those occasional smiles that she snuck in melted my heart and i would fall in love with her all over again. Nothing about her made me hate her, she was the epitome of the other half that i had envisioned spending the rest of my life with. She would fart in front of me and i would laugh with her, she would drive/take care of me when i drink too much, and she always spoke very highly of me to all her friends even though i am completely worthless. All these examples and more of the type of person she is, on top of how god damn beautiful she is…it was endgame.
Everyday literally sucked balls and i always worried about about my future. but when suzie was with me i was genuinely happy, i felt like i could accomplish everything. Her smile, her hugs, the way she always gave me confidence to do what i was too scared to do, all these things just….i don’t know.
I am so sad right now. So very sad because I know that this break will not end well and the days are counting down to when I’ll never see this person that has made such a significant impact on my life. I have tried my hardest to give her what she wants and win her back, but there is nothing i can say that can change how she feels about me. It might be the stress from school, but i really think she has fallen out of love with me. Nothing i do or say will change that. It hurts so much…the worst part is that i use to always have her be there for me to pick me up. I just can’t concentrate on anything else and i keep getting flashbacks about things that we did together and how much i miss being with her. I want to stay strong and be the man that she deserves…but i’m just so hurt and vulnerable right now. No one is here for me. I want things to just go back to the way they were…..i really miss you suzie…