Sometimes I’m scared to go to sleep because I don’t have control over what I dream about. I’m not afraid of a lot of things, but more often than I want, I dream about the one thing scares me the most. Oddly enough, it’s also the one thing I wish I never wake up from.
I guess these are some of the effects of living by yourself. You don’t really get to talk to anyone. It’s just yourself enclosed in a small room, not much bigger than the average public restroom. You wish there was someone to talk to, to share your worries and plans with but no one actually cares and eventually you get tired of making an effort to be friends. Because in the end, you’re the only one trying and you’re actually the better friend who’s generosity will never be returned. No one will ever understand how debilitating this break up is because to them it’s just another break up and I should get over it. I’m so tired of being nice, everyone is such an asshole and selfish. Nice guys do finish last, and I wish I was a meaner person so that I can get what I want sometimes.