Hey!
It’s been a while, I hope all is well. Are you a professor yet? lol.
It is currently November 10, 2014, 7:12AM on a Monday as I write this letter to you. wow, It’s been so long I don’t even remember how to talk to you. That’s actually why I wanted to encapsulate my thoughts in this letter. Don’t worry, I’ll keep good-natured as I know my previous writing might have been dark or pointless.
Anyway, it’s been about a year now and I can definitely say, without a doubt in my mind, that it has been the most eventful year I’ve ever had. I use to be a timid, lazy, useless kid but now I would like to think that I’m a confident, knowledge-seeking adult. I use to say “I don’t know” to everything, but now I pride myself on always knowing the answer.
I just wrote a lot of stuff but delet
I’ve spent the last few months thinking, missing, trying to make sense of what happened. I know you, and everyone else in the world don’t care, it’s just another break up and it happens all the time. There are 2 things that I am certain of, I was genuinely hurt and there definitely a need to separate. We weren’t even together anymore prior to breaking up, we were so comfortable with each other and I think we were more best friends than a couple. I was so lazy and caught up with myself that I didn’t realized how distant we became. I guess it was my fault all along. I can’t even begin to describe how much it hurt when you starting seeing someone else. I hope you never have to experience that feeling, it just really…i don’t know any other word to describe it except hurt. I guess what I wanted was closure but you were so quick to get rid of me that I didn’t even really get a chance to properly say goodbye. I just wanted all the good that I did to culminate into a single moment where you would give me the benefit of the doubt, ignore what you wanted and comfort me one last time, helping me move on sooner. I guess that’s really the point of this letter. It’s the unofficial closure that I desperately needed encapsulated in these words.
I’ve spent so much time chasing girls, getting drunk, doing all kinds of ridiculous things to find happiness. A few weeks ago, for the first time in a long time, I finally felt happiness. It was weird, I don’t know know what it was, nothing significant happened, I was just happy. I think it might be because I’m starting to forget about you. thats what inspired me to write this. I know that in a few more months I’ll be completely over you and I just wanted to jot down my feelings about it before they disappear.
I’m so happy with the person I’m becoming, and I honestly have only you to thank for that. It’s unfortunate that you won’t be be able to see the significant impact you’ve made on my life. It’s a side of me that you never saw, that I never knew I had. You don’t know how high I can fly, especially when things are at it’s worst. I only wish that I could have been more useful, that I could have instilled some good qualities in you when we were together. After all, thats what a relationship really is and thats one of the reasons we aren’t together.
I’m going to be a doctor. I use to make fun of you for wanting to be a professor and told you it was stupid but I take that all back because I understand how you feel now. I have been working with so many doctors, some stupid and some who are are just too good. I’ve seen them revive babies and stitch fingers back together, I’m just so inspired to become a physician, I don’t care how hard it is. I realize that I would have to make some characteristic changes if I wanted to become a doctor. So I started throwing myself into situations where a leader was needed, learning everything I can about everything so that I’ll never stumble when a problem presents itself. I promised myself that nothing will ever be confusing again, that nothing is too hard, I will always have the answer to everything, and I will never make a mistake twice.
I know now that I don’t need someone to make me happy. Although I miss being in love, I know that it can’t be forced and it will come to me so I don’t have to go looking for it. I can’t change how I look, I can’t change who likes me, but I can change how I treat people.
You’ve been a bigger part of my life than you’ll ever know and you’ll always have a special place in my heart.