Last night, for a moment, I forgot what you looked like. Then my body started to shake and I started to tear up. I had to force myself to stop thinking about you. This happens to me almost every night and the sad part is that I don’t want to forget about you. I don’t want to forget about all the happy times and hard times we’ve been through together. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you basically the first day I met you. I had a whole plan in place where I would first help you regain your confidence. The truth is, I never yelled at you and if it seemed that way, I’m sorry. I was frustrated because you didn’t listen to me, but now I know that I could have done a better job listening to you too. I never wanted to control you or change who you are, I just wanted to help you become the best version of yourself. My plan fell apart when you stopped loving me. I didn’t know why and I spent all my time and energy trying to win you back for 2 years. I had pictured our life together and worked so hard to give you everything you needed. There wasn’t a single moment that I thought about myself because I always wanted you to have the best of everything. That’s why it hurts so much when you left me, I felt like a useless toy that you threw away and replaced with a better toy. I kept the changes I made before we broke up, they weren’t temporary like you thought. But now I don’t have anyone to cook for. I remember one time for breakfast, I made you purple rice congee with 4 side dishes. I was especially proud of that meal because I made almost everything from scratch and I could see how much progress I made since the beginning of the year when I didn’t know how to cook anything. I don’t think you cared too much about it because you didn’t love me anymore. I want you to remember that meal though because that’s what love is. It was one of the first things I cooked for you in Rochester and one of the first things I said to you on the phone. I never cooked anything like that for anyone ever before and it was my “exploding box” gift for you.
