-Episode 3. The Gang Gets a Vasectomy.

-Remember when i told you about the TV show and shit? well here it is for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy. Comments, Suggestions, hate mail are all greatly appreciated. i am so going to hell for this.

The Gang Gets a
Vasectomy.

7:10 AM – On a Monday

[Scene opens with Tim making out with Jackie.]

William: God damnit. I can’t believe the Mets lost again. It
makes no sense. I thought coached liked them because they were actually good.

Robb: Are you kidding the Mets suck dick. But let’s tell
Andy to congratulate Coach on the Mets victory. That stupid chink won’t even
know, he’s sports retarded.

[Andy arrives through the doors]

Andy: what up bitches!

Robb: Andy you fucker, why didn’t you hang out this weekend?
You fucking bailed again.

Andy: yea….I was doing shit with something.

Will: what’s that suppose to mean?

Robb: all you did was masturbate all weekend.

Andy: well shit, I jack off so what? I’d do it every second
of every single day if I could.

Robb: Dude, nooo you can’t. It’s impossible.

Andy: yea I can!

Robb: well then, is that a challenge asshole?

Andy: Fucking shit yea.

[Theme Song plays with the fucking credits and shit]

Will: So dude, you going to jack off every second of every single
day?

Andy: no  no no, I
just have to fill this bottle up with a gallon of jizz in a week.

Will: Whoa, that’s crazy dude. Your penis will be falling
off or it’ll be fucked up pretty badly.

Andy: what? No way. I fill up like 3 gallons of jizz every
week and that’s only on bad weeks.

Will: Well, if you want any help just ask.

Andy: no dude, that’s gay. I think I’ll just pace myself,
you know. Like I’ll jack off once then I’ll wait a few seconds then I’ll jack
off again. It makes perfect sense dude. I mean, I’m no rocket scientist but I
think it’s a pretty sweet plan. I’m going to win this fucking bet. Now if
you’ll excuse me I have to get started.

Will: Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Now? In school? You’re crazy
dude.

Andy: Am I will? AM I?!? I will fuck your mother!

[Andy wanders off with a box of tissues. Paper not muscle.]

[Next scene opens with Robb and Will chatting about like
chickens in a coop]

Will: dude, what are you doing with that pole vault pole?

Robb: (laughs out loud) are you kidding? It makes your run
faster. Everyone knows that silly.

Will: ok……

Robb: is Andy seriously going to get a gallon of jizz?

Will: yea man, he’s in the bathroom right now.

Robb: what is he using?

Will: how the fuck should I know?

(A hot chick walks by, (will probably be played by some dumb
slut/Kirby))

Robb: yo dude, is that the chick you like? You should
definitely go talk to her. She told me she wants your hot steaming stick in her
vaginal canal of slippery sweetness. Seriously, she told me that. Word for
Word. No joke.

Will: What? No way. That just might be gross enough to work.

(Will Walks up to Kirby)

Will: Hey baby, I want to stick my throbbing baby maker in
your tight hallway of sexuality.

Kirby: Awesome! I’ll suck your dick for 10 bucks.

Will: sweet! And after if you want to we can have sex.
Uuuuhhh ahhhhh you’re an asshole.

[In this scene we have the gang and some other assholes at
the lunch table enjoying a hardy lunch.]

(Andy is quivering and pale)

Robb: dude, you okay? You don’t look so good. If you don’t
want to do this you don’t have to. Just putting that out there.

Andy: Okay?! Do I look okay to you? Fuck! (Takes out a
gallon half full of jizz) See this? It’s my fucking jizz. My dick is about to
fall off and your asking me if I’m okay? Fuck you!!! AHHH!!!

Robb: whoa dude, calm down. Just looking out for your
well-being. I care you know, I’d like to say I’m more of modern day jesus.
Someone who can help people and at the same time change the world.

(Will and Kirby making out. Sweet)

Dorothy: Andy, sweetheart. You need to calm down, ok?

Andy: (Andy’s eye’s open widely as if otherworldly rage is
about to explode into a tornado of verbal death) ok

(Alex Ryan tries to tell a story but he’s just talking to
himself)

Tim: Guys I think I’m going to break up with Jackie.

Robb: no way! Why so?

Tim: I dunno, she’s just not my type I guess. I’m looking
for someone perhaps more in tune with me.

Robb: well, I don’t know what that means but I still think
you greats make a cute couple (Super Smile + Thumbs Up)

Dorothy: Actually, I personally think that Tim could get
someone much better. Jackie is just such a bitch, Ah ham, pardon my French.
Taxes, coffee, sex, 21, mature.

Andy: GOD DAMNIT!?!? Fuck you Dorothy, why are you talking
to me. Are we friends? Cause from my perspective we are certainly not friends. You’re
out of your fucking mind bitch. I masturbate? Yea, so what. You’re a horny sex
monger. You’re a fucking piece of shit. You give out blow jobs like they give
out pamphlets at abortion rallies. You’re the reason Judas betrayed Jesus. You
suck at soccer. Soccer sucks in generally. Jimmy fingered Kelly. I…Fucking…..
Hate you. But no, I’m not trying to be mean; I just want to know. Shit, I’m
freaking out man!!!! AHHHHH (Runs to the bathroom)

Robb: Oh my god…

Tim: Yikes, that was a little harsh. Even for me. Not really
though, I thought it was pretty cool.

(Dorothy starts to cry and runs away. Everyone in the lunch
room scream chants of praise and happiness.)

[Next Scene – Robb and will talking in the hallway. Again.]

Will: Dude, physics AP is fucking hard as shit, but not as
hard as my dick gets when I think about having sex with my girlfriend. She’s so
hot.

Robb: That’s gross dude. Could you stop cursing please? I am
very offended when you curse like that.

Will: I’ll do whatever I want cause I got a girlfriend now.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!

(Kirby comes up to will and hands him a note nicely folded
as if it was some type of eccentric origami, then walks away and gives will a
sexually induced wink]

Will: (gives a cocky smile) Yea, that’s a good little bitch.
Did I tell you she does all my homework and shit?

Robb: Dude, you’re going to hell. What does the note say?

Will: Wh-what? Uh-I- I don’t believe it. What is this shit?
She’s breaking up with me. This must be some kind of dream. Dude punch me in
the face.

Robb: Sure if you want me to. (Punches will in the face)

Will: shit, I must still be dreaming. Keep punch me. Only in
the face though cause that’s where it’s most effective.

(Robb continues to punch will repeatedly in the face)

[Scene opens with the gang getting ready to go home. At the
locker]

Robb: well, I’ll catch ya guys later! (Super Smile + Thumbs
Up)

{Video Montage of Andy
masturbating vigorously and Will crying like a little bitch}{Michael Jackson
–Thriller Playing}

[Scene opens and it’s a week later. At the locker.]

7:08 AM – on a Monday

(Andy walks through the doors and see’s Robb)

Robb: Yo Andy, what did you do this weekend? Masturbate (laughs out loud)

Andy: Here’s your fucking gallon of jizz. Enjoy it cause
this victory was fucking sweet just like my jizz. And you know what dude? I got
a vasectomy and now my Dick, does not work anymore. I hope you like that.

Robb: are you serious? Oh god…

(Will enters)

Will: (Serious Face) Guys I got a vasectomy.  It was painful and self-demoralizing. I am no
longer a man. I refuse to have sex with anyone but Kirby. She was the one. She
was the one.

Robb: You guys are freaks. You are all going to hell!?

(Kirby walks up to will)

Kirby: Hey baby, you know I didn’t really want to break up with
you. I was on my period, and the mood swings, you know all that jazz. But hey,
you wanna get together later. I’ll make it up to you if you know what I mean.

Will :(pause) Ummmmm sure…..only one problem. I got a
fucking vasectomy you dumb bitch. God damnit, this is not happening. Shit SHIT
SHIT SHIT SHIT!!! (Runs away)

Robb: Here comes Tim, thank god one of us still has our
manhood.

Tim: What up. You guys look cute today.

Robb: ummmm…ok? What did you do this weekend?

Tim: you know, I did some shit here and there. Broke up with
Jackie, played guitar hero, got a vasectomy.

Robb: (laughs out loud) very funny Tim, you’re not gay.

Tim: I’m serious dude; my dick does not work anymore. I’m
getting it removed too. Next time you see me I will be a tranny. Sorry dude but
I just don’t enjoy being a man anymore. The freedoms of being a woman. Oh I
can’t wait. Just try not to hit on me. Heehee.

Robb: This is not happening. It can’t be happening. All my
friends getting vasectomies? AHHHHHHHHH!!! (Pours gallon of jizz all over his
face. The jizz cascades gently down his body like a waterfall)

-End