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I’ve been going hard on studying to be a data analyst. To be honest, I still don’t really know what I’m doing but I feel like as long as I’m doing something, then I’m actually doing something. Because I usually think about doing a lot of things but don’t end up doing anything because I’m too busy thinking about what could go wrong and maybe I’m not good enough to do it. I’ve been trying to just do things instead of overthinking it to death. The more I learn about data, the more I like it. I know the basics of coding in python and SQL but I haven’t had enough practice to be good at it. I’ve been trying to answer coding questions that they might ask at the interviews but it is hard as fuck. Like I spent a week trying to answer 1 question that should take only take 30 minutes. Maybe I’m too hard on myself but I was really frustrated at myself when I couldn’t figure it out. I felt like I spent so much time learning to code and still don’t know shit. I got over it and decided to pretend like I do know what I’m doing and keep trying because I don’t really got shit else to do. It’s never a straight shot to a destination right? There’s usually a few hiccups along the way; it’s what makes the journey worthwhile. Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up. 

Just reminding myself to hang in there and keep going. I don’t really have anything else if I don’t. I’m doing my best to break old habits and become the change that I want. I’m trying to push myself harder even when I’m tired as fuck or depressed. I’m trying to stay present and not think about the past or future. I think I’m going to apply to jobs soon and it’s scary because I have no idea what I’m doing or if i’ll be good enough. All I know is that I need to make more money and I need to get the fuck out of my current. I am meant for something better and I hope I get there soon. I have to work harder. 

A few days ago I got super depressed after I found out Em had a boyfriend. A lot of emotions, a lot of crying, a lot of not sleeping. The weird thing is that I didn’t care she had a boyfriend because I just started thinking about Sam a lot and a lot of memories came back. I couldn’t stop thinking about her and I laid in bed intermittently crying to myself from midnight to 7AM. I don’t know why I still miss her so much. I didn’t do anything though, which I think is good. I just got up the next day and pretended like nothing happened. However, on the inside I was super motivated to get my shit together. I know what I have to do and what I want. I also put some work into it already which I’ve been lowkey proud of myself for. Let me just write it down here so I can organize my thoughts. 

 I found this in my Google Drive. I wrote it in 2014.

The Road to Success 

By: Andy Guo

1. Be meticulous in everything you do, a little autism and OCD can go a long way. Pretend you are genius prodigy (ex. Sherlock Holmes or Rain Man)
2. Work out your body as well as your mind. I like to get naked and do abs while learning GRE words in between reps. 
3. Hygiene is important. A clean person personifies an intellectual and tireless work ethic. 
4. Always be eager to learn new things, no matter how insignificant. It can be used to pick up chicks or keep conversations from getting awkward with small talk. 
5. Grimmy gangsta rap is appropriate for all age, gender, race, and occasion. 

Most of those habits stuck with me and I think it made me a better person. I think it’s time for a 2022 update to that list though. 

• You don’t have to know everything and not everything has to be perfect. You’ll tire yourself out trying to make everything perfect and knowing everything can be pretty lonely. Sometimes your shitty work is already perfect and you don’t need to reinvent the wheel. Sometimes it’s better to get a task done so you can enjoy your life. 
• You should still workout even if it’s just a little bit and you suck at it. 
• Clean your room, your mind, and your body. Try not to be lazy about it. 
• Don’t forget you have a good heart. It can be easy to forget when people hurt you or take advantage of you, but do your best to always do the right thing; I think it’s your defining characteristic.
• You can’t change the past and you don’t know what is going to happen in the future, so enjoy the present and be happy. 
• Grimmy gangsta rap is still appropriate for all occasions.

I’ve been trying to take more pictures and videos to incorporate into by blog posts. I’m in the Stavros Niachos Foundation Library right now. I love libraries and this is one of my favorites. I always sit on the 5th floor long table on the corner. I’d like to think that’s my spot and I get the most work done there. I just want to write something really quick before I start doing work. 

I went out with my coworkers after work on Friday for korean BBQ. It was nice except I kinda felt like a 5th wheel because everyone was coupled up. It was a weird feeling. I never really had that feeling before but I don’t like it. I think nicole knew and tried to make it better by no being so “together” with billy. That was really nice of her. I feel like nicole really gets me because we’re the same type of weird. Not a lot of people understand me but nicole certainly does most of the time. It also didn’t help that Sam emailed me on my birthday. Even though it was a nice thing to do, it brought up a lot of feelings and I was hella depressed AF on Saturday. I couldn’t eat and stayed in bed all day. I promised myself that I would never go back to the person I was and to keep moving forward no matter how unmotivated or how lazy I am. The hardest part for me is usually just getting started which is exactly what I did this morning. A little late but I made it to the library with plenty of time to study. I finished the course of SQL and scored in the 90th percentile on the exam which I think means my score was better than 90% of the people that took the exam. That’s pretty good I guess. I moved on to learning excel now and it’s pretty short. I’m half way done with the course. After that I’m moving on to python which will probably be the hardest but I’m excited start because I know it’s basically used for everything. 

Have a crush on E which I might do something about soon. I like that she tries everything I mentioned, like wordle and sumo citrus. Which means she isn’t afraid to try new things which is definitely a quality I’m looking for in someone. She also remembered that I liked Crash Landing On You, which I mentioned like once 2-3 years ago? Like who remembers that kind of detail about someone. She must like me at least a little bit right? I don’t know, she just might be really smart which I also really like. Damn, I think I’m in trouble. I also like how she is a little shy and weird. 

Andy, you’re the goat.